The Boz Factor
by Nicolive
Summary: Brady's point of point of view about discovering he's been "replaced" by Boz. (warning: Extreme Angst) *Fifth in the "CD's from Chicago" series."


Brady slammed his door shut eyes watering with unshed tears. He could not, would not, cry for them. Why _shouldn't_ they get a new king, he thought bitterly, a bad taste filled his mouth. He should be _happy _for them shouldn't he? Boz, the new king! Crowned king barely a month after he left! They sure didn't wait to replace him, not even 24 hours and there showed up Boz and his island of Minduians! No it couldn't get any better! His letters from Mikayla had been getting shorter and less frequent. _"No doubt busy with _Boz_." _ His stomach twisted, his heart ached.

It wasn't fair to take it out on Boz, he was happy that he had another brother, sure. But it wasn't with _him._ "You chose to run away from your problems. It's your fault you're not there." A nasty little voice whispered in his head, it was right, he was the one who ran away, not anyone else. But he could see it in his mind's eye, Boomer and his precious new brother Boz laughing their heads off at some prank they had just pulled, arms hanging on each other in a lazy fashion. And then Mikayla would come up and reprimand them but they would worm there way out of it, Boz would playfully but his hand on Mikayla's shoulder and would say something endearingly annoying (that was HIS job! Not Boz's!) and then they would stare into each other's eyes and there would be something more because Boz was ginger and why shouldn't Mikayla like ginger hair better then back hair? Why shouldn't she be more attracted to Boz than him? He bet Boz didn't follow Mikayla around like a lost puppy dog; he bet Boz had some higher level of maturity mixed with goofiness that Mikayla would fall all over for! His heart ached and his stomach was twisted into so many knots, unbidden a tear slipped down his cheek and he grabbed his laptop and CD's heart wrenchingly he began to sing, pouring his heart into every word he sang.

_Falling a thousand feet per second, you still take me by surprise_

_I just know we can't be over, I can see it in your eyes_

_Making every kind of silence, takes a lot to realize_

_It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie_

_And as long as I can feel you holding on_

_I won't fall, even if you said I was wrong_

_I'm not perfect, but I keep trying_

_'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start_

_I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave_

_Was it something I said or just my personality?_

_Making every kind of silence, it takes a lot to realize_

_It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie_

_And as long as I can feel you holding on_

_I won't fall, even if you said I wrong_

_I know that I'm not perfect, but I keep trying_

_'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start_

_I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave_

_Was it something I said or just my personality?_

_When you're caught in a lie and you've got nothing to hide_

_When you've got nowhere to run and you've got nothing inside_

_It tears right through me, you thought that you knew me_

_You thought that you knew_

_I'm not perfect, but I keep trying_

_'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start_

_I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave_

_Was it something I said or just my personality?_

_I'm not perfect, but I keep trying_

_'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start_

_I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave_

_Was it something I said or just my, just myself_

_Just myself, myself, just myself_

_I'm not perfect, but I keep trying._

He ended strong but softly, his heart felt like it was breaking and he needed to get this out, he needed someone to understand! He had tried everything! He knew he loved Mikayla with all his heart, soul, and body. He had heard the ancient Kinkowian belief that true kings all had a soulmate they were destined to love forever until the point of insanity if they were separated for too long, or if they were rejected once too often. He knew as he neared his 18th birthday he would have to do something, he would have to go back and find Mikayla and tell her. He knew that she was his soulmate, to him it was as natural as the need to breathe, Mikayla was natural, he loved her, he had tried so hard, had come on to strong, had flirted to hard, or something! He just wanted to be everything she ever wanted!

"_I walk the line _

_Leave it all behind _

_I've been waiting forever _

_Let's go back in time _

_When I could read your mind _

_Still I've been waiting _

_It took the seasons going by _

_To know it's not my fault _

_I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest _

_Tried to be everything that you ever wanted _

_I tried to be stronger, tried to be smarter _

_Tried to be everything but you _

_It's been so long _

_Since you've been home _

_I used to wait up forever _

_I used to say a prayer _

_Wishing you were there _

_And I'm still waiting _

_You told me once _

_You'd show up _

_But I fell for that _

_Before I fell to pieces _

_Then I woke up _

_To no one, _

_Just a picture of you_

_And a house left in pieces _

_It took the seasons going by _

_To know it's not my fault _

_I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest _

_Tried to be everything that you ever wanted _

_I tried to be stronger, tried to be smarter _

_Tried to be everything but you _

_I wanted you, I need you, I want to believe you! _

_I wanted you, I need you, I want to believe you_

_I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest, tried to be everything but you _

_I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest _

_Tried to be everything that you ever wanted _

_I tried to be stronger, tried to be smarter _

_Tried to be everything."_

Brady took the CD out of the laptop and hid it under his pillow; this was one CD from Chicago that would not be seen under the light of a Kinkowian sunrise, one that would never be caressed by the warm loving hands of a certain guard girl. He let it slip under his soft duvet and curled up into a ball and Brady Parker, the lost king of Kinkow cried himself to sleep as he thought of the girl he loved a thousand miles away, and his brother laughing with another forgetting all about the boy king who had run away to grow up, only to discover a whole new world of hope.


End file.
